He Will Choose You...

But only when you choose yourself first

Be honest.

How many times have you watched those “how to get a guy to like you” or “text him like this” videos, hoping that maybe if you just fixed something about yourself, someone would finally choose you? Maybe if you did something differently, you’d finally get the princess treatment you see other girls receiving.

Write this one down: You will never find peace in a space that wasn’t meant for you to settle in, whether it’s a relationship, a friendship, or a job.

If you know your worth, even when you like someone, you’ll walk away when you’re not being honored. But if you don’t know your value, you’ll stay. You’ll twist yourself into shapes, study how to be better, try to fix yourself — just hoping they’ll finally see you. Just hoping they’ll finally validate you.

You don’t need to become ‘better’ to be loved. You need to believe you were already enough.

In today’s letter, I’m going to show you how to recognize your worth because once you do, you’ll start to see just how much you’re capable of.
How much you can create.
How much you can build.
How much you can become when you start pulling your energy back from people, spaces, and habits that don’t serve you.

When you keep pouring into places that don’t pour back, it subtracts from the energy you could be using to build something beautiful for yourself. It drains the energy that could be going toward becoming the version of you who effortlessly attracts the healthy love and life you deserve.

Because I don’t think we talk about it enough — just how deeply these relationships, these situationships, and these thought patterns impact our lives.

Every section of this letter is designed to help you understand yourself more deeply — and fall a little more in love with who you’re becoming.

The Cost of Not Knowing Your Worth

The cost of not knowing your worth isn’t just your heart, it’s your calling, your joy, your future, and the legacy you were meant to leave.

Yes it is deep…

Not knowing your worth doesn’t just make you settle. It makes you constantly search for validation in other people and external things. And when you don’t get that validation, or when you’re not chosen, you spiral.

You start questioning whether you’re good enough. Whether something’s wrong with you.

But the truth is: your entire life—your destiny, your relationships, your peace, your success—all of it comes down to how deeply you know your worth.

If you have low self-esteem or a poor self-concept, it will show up in everything.
The way you show up.
The way you let people treat you.
The opportunities you think you're worthy of.

Self-concept is everything. And it becomes fragile when you allow other people to dictate it because people will disappoint you. Not everyone is going to see your worth, and if you’ve built your self-esteem on other people recognizing you, you’ll crumble every time they don’t.

And what's crazy is, when you don’t have self-worth, people will often treat you poorly… and instead of realizing they’re the problem, you’ll internalize it. You’ll take it as proof that you’re not good enough, when really, they’re just mirroring the beliefs you already carry.

It becomes a loop. A cycle of not feeling good enough, getting treated like you’re not good enough, and using that to confirm all your worst thoughts about yourself.

And that loop? It follows you everywhere.
Into your career.
Your friendships.
Your relationship with yourself.

If you don’t believe you’re good enough, you won’t build anything bold.
You won’t start the project.
You won’t take the risk.
You’ll settle for average because you think that’s all you deserve.

Your brain will try to make it make sense. It’ll rationalize those low standards. It’ll say, “Yeah, this is fine,” even when it’s not because the brain always works to confirm whatever beliefs you feed it.

Low Self-Worth Shrinks Vision

• You won’t dream big when you don’t believe you’re capable or worthy of more

• You play it safe in life, love, and purpose

• You don’t allow yourself to be seen or supported, so you do everything alone and burn out

If your vision is small, it’s not because life has to be small—it’s because your self-concept won’t let it be big.

You can only stretch and grow to the extent of your self-concept.

The Danger of Needing to Be Chosen

• You start building your identity around who likes you

• Your glow dims every time someone doesn’t reflect it back

• You become overly performative—trying to earn love, instead of believing you already are love

It’s a shame, truly...
So many times, when you feel like you weren’t chosen by a specific person, you start to believe there must be something wrong with you.
But the truth is: that person wasn’t meant to see your value.
They weren’t equipped to give you the love you deserve.
They didn’t know how to handle you.

Have you ever done a puzzle?
When one piece doesn’t fit, you don’t get frustrated and start beating on the puzzle piece. You don’t question what’s wrong with it. You know that if it doesn’t fit here, it’ll fit somewhere else.

That’s exactly how this works.
The puzzle piece doesn’t become less of a puzzle. Its value doesn’t decrease—
Because the puzzle can’t be completed without it.

Just like you.

You are important. You are necessary. Your name was written next to someone else’s before the earth was even created.

But if you keep trying to force yourself into places you were never meant to belong,
you block yourself from seeing the opportunities all around you.

You keep yourself from ever finding the space where you fit perfectly.

The Loop of Self-Betrayal

When you don’t value yourself, you start abandoning your standards.
You abandon your goals.
You abandon your peace.

You start betraying yourself just to be liked.
You silence your needs.
You settle for confusion.
You stay longer than you should, hoping something will change.
And then—when it doesn’t—you end up resenting yourself.
And that resentment only lowers your self-worth even more.

You betray yourself every single time you stay in a situation that isn’t aligned with who you are and what you deserve.

But here’s the part we don't always see:

Every situation is a mirror.
That situationship you’re stuck in.
The relationship that broke you.
The divorce that felt like it ended everything.

None of it is punishment—it’s preparation.

Each moment is shaping you into the version of yourself who’s finally ready to receive the blessing buried in it. Whether that’s the man God has written next to your name, your purpose, a meaningful career, the chance to be a light in someone else’s life…Whether it’s becoming the mother, sister, or woman you were always meant to be.
Whether it’s doing the inner work, healing deeply, or finally… FINALLY… recognizing your worth.

It’s showing you something—what you need, what you desire, what doesn’t work for you. And that information? It’s sacred. You’re supposed to take that lesson and look for it elsewhere.

Because there is someone out there who you won’t have to beg to love you properly. It will come naturally to them—because they were always meant to.

Just like it’s unfair to beg someone to become something they’re not for you, it’s also unfair to keep yourself in a space where your needs aren’t met, where your presence isn’t valued, and everything you bring to the table is overlooked.

So please—remove yourself from those spaces.

And if you’re wondering why this keeps happening… why every situation feels like another test—look inward. Because here’s the truth:

Your beliefs become your life.

Beliefs → thoughts → emotions → actions → results.

If you believe you’re unworthy, unlovable, unattractive, or “too much”… you will act from that place.
You’ll settle.
You’ll shrink.
You’ll self-sabotage the very blessings you prayed for.

And you’ll start getting the results of someone who sees themselves that way.

You choose how you show up in the world. And when those beliefs become your subconscious truth, you’ll keep experiencing situations that reflect that truth back to you.

But this isn’t punishment—it’s part of God’s mercy.

He’s holding up mirrors in your life saying, “Hey. This is where you can grow. This is where you can shift. This is the piece that’s holding you back from everything I’ve written for you.”

Because He has beautiful things waiting for you—aligned love, purpose, peace, joy, fulfillment. But the more you suppress the signs, avoid the work, or ignore the mirrors, the longer it will take for you to experience those things.

If you don’t change how you see yourself, nothing else can truly change.

It doesn’t matter how many routines you start or journals you fill out, if you still think you’re not good enough, you’ll keep handing your power to people and places that were never meant to hold it.

How to Start Seeing Your Worth & Rebuilding Your Self-Trust

Because It’s not that you want him…it’s that you want to win. You want to feel chosen so you can finally stop doubting your worth.

So how do we actually start to see our worth?
How do we build self-trust, self-love, and finally stop relying on other people to reflect it back to us?

Let’s start here: you can’t fully love yourself if you don’t understand the power of being a woman. When you tap into it, you begin to see: you were never meant to chase or beg—you were meant to receive.

The Power of Feminine Energy

Feminine energy? It’s one of the most divine forces on earth. It’s magnetic. It’s intuitive. It’s nurturing. It’s powerful. Women are honored as the vessels through which life enters this world.

But so many girls are disconnected from their feminine energy not because they want to be—but because they’re stressed out over a man. Because society has forced them into their masculine. Chasing. Proving. Overworking. Performing. Exhausting themselves just to feel worthy.

You don’t need to follow a TikTok script that says, “If you want a man to like you, text him like this, eat 12 grapes, say this, don’t say that.” Like… are we okay?

We are constantly performing.

Society has made us forget the value of our presence — but men understand it. That’s why they want to keep you around without commitment. That’s why they want to stay friends, because while we’re taught to believe it’s "not that deep," they know exactly how powerful and impactful our presence is. They offer nothing but vibes, while we’re expected to give our time, our support, and our softness in return.

When a man isn’t rooted in his masculine—offering safety, intention, and consistency—you will start to feel anxious, unsure, and overextended. Not because you’re “too much,” but because your energy wasn’t being matched. Feminine energy thrives in safe environments. Without it, it begins to shrink.

Society has made us feel like we’re asking for too much when we ask for commitment.
A year-long talking stage. Ten years, a baby, a house — and still no commitment. It’s unsettling. And it’s not normal.

So if you ever feel like you’re doing all the right things and still feel depleted, it’s probably because you’re giving to someone who isn’t ready to receive it with the honor and responsibility it deserves.

Your presence alone is life-changing. And somewhere along the way, society made us forget that.

And let’s be clear…it has nothing to do with the physical. I’m talking about your feminENERGY. Your grace. Your heart. Your intuition. Your ability to pour into people with love.

Feminine energy is powerful. It lights up rooms, heals hearts, and changes men’s lives. And the right man will not just want to be near that energy—he’ll rise to meet it.

Now let’s talk about the actual steps:

1. Build a vision for yourself.

If you want to start seeing your worth—start building your life.

Even if you don’t know where to start, choose one area of your life that could be better.
Ask yourself: What’s a problem I can start solving?

• If you’re unhappy with your health, start walking, hydrating, nourishing your body.

• If your mind feels cluttered, start journaling, praying, reading.

• If your glow is dim, get into your skincare, move your body, go outside.

Because the more you show up for you, the more your brain says,

“Wait... maybe I do matter.”

2. Build self-trust through tiny, daily promises.

Forget the big goals for a second.
Start with the tiny ones.

• Drink a glass of water when you wake up.

• Stretch for 5 minutes.

• Read one page.

• Say your prayer before bed.

It doesn’t have to be massive. It just has to be consistent.

And here’s the magic:
When you start doing the hard things even when you don’t feel like it—your self-concept changes.

Something that’s really helped me is seeing moments of self-conflict as opportunities to strengthen my self-image and build self-trust. So when I don’t want to work out, or I don’t feel like filming, and that internal resistance kicks in, I remind myself— this is my moment.

This is an opportunity to show up as the version of me I know I can become. Because she shows up anyway.

Your identity shifts.
You start trusting yourself.
You stop breaking your own heart by abandoning your own goals.

Confidence follows clarity.

When you start building that confidence, you naturally start moving toward bigger things.
Bigger goals.
Bigger dreams.
Bigger energy.

And suddenly, one day you’ll look in the mirror and realize…

“I’ve been that b*tch this whole time.”

You’ll notice the resilience.
The creativity.
The potential.
The power.

And you’ll realize: no one gave that to you—and no one can take it away.

3. Celebrate Micro Wins Out Loud

• Create a “proof” folder. Every DM, photo, prayer you stayed consistent with—screenshot it.

• Affirm: “Look at the woman I’m becoming.”

4. Learn How to Sit With Discomfort

• Don’t reach for distraction. Watch the spiral without jumping in it.

• Self-worth is built when you pause, not just when you push.

5. Heal the Relationship With Your Inner Voice

Reframe thoughts like:
“I always mess this up” → “I’m still learning how to handle this better.”
“I can’t do this” → “This is new for me, but I’m showing up.”

When you can stand on business by respecting yourself—your vision, your goals, your standards—by showing up for you first, everything changes.

People begin to respond to that energy. They start treating you with more respect because they see you won’t accept anything less.

And that doesn’t mean disrespect will magically disappear…but it will no longer be something you tolerate. Because you know what you deserve. And you refuse to settle for anything beneath that.

You opened this letter because, deep down, you want to be chosen — maybe by someone specific, maybe by someone you haven’t even met yet… or maybe just by someone who finally sees you.

But here’s what I need you to understand: Who you choose to be in a relationship with can shift the entire trajectory of your life.

And when you’re so focused on being chosen, you forget that you have to choose wisely too. Because sometimes, the person you're chasing isn't even someone who allows you to grow. He’s not even someone equipped to be the father of your children…but because you’re scared to be alone, you stay. Because you have low self-esteem and lack mentality you continue chasing.

Beggars can’t be choosers. But you were never meant to beg.

There’s this book, Attached by Amir Levine and Rachel Heller, and they write:

“Numerous studies show that once we become attached to someone, the two of us form one physiological unit. Our partner regulates our blood pressure, our heart rate, our breathing, and the levels of hormones in our blood. We are no longer separate entities.”

This person can literally make you sick…or help you thrive.

So girlies, please remember the power you hold. Work on your confidence. Build your self-image. Because it will shape your entire life. Stand on your values—that’s where your power lives.

I know what it feels like to want to be chosen. To spiral when you’re not. To give so much of yourself and feel like it wasn’t enough. But you were never meant to beg for love. You were meant to embody it. And I promise you, the moment you stop looking outward and start building inward… everything shifts.

Because the one meant for you will not just feel like home—he will protect the home you’ve built within yourself.

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Journal Entries

Something to reflect on…

• Where have I been trying to earn love that should’ve been freely given?

• Am I shrinking myself to stay somewhere my spirit is trying to leave?

• What version of me would stop begging to be chosen and start choosing herself?

• What would my life look like if I only stayed where I’m seen, valued, and celebrated?

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Love you all so much,

Bahja

p.s. there is a video version of this letter up on my youtube channel :)