Let failure be a goal

Not something to try and avoid.

Failure: a word that makes us tense up when we hear it.

It’s something we’re taught to avoid, something we associate with embarrassment or shame. But failure is actually part of the process. It’s on the path, the multiple failures, that allow you to succeed.

Welcome failure just like you welcome success, because they’re not separate. They come as a package.

Failure itself isn’t some final destination you’re doomed to when things don’t go as expected. It’s part of the journey, part of the greatness.

Failure is just data. It’s guidance.

Let me say that again: failure is a guide to your success.

Think of it like a guide that walks with you, nudging you when it’s time to pivot, when something needs to be reworked, or when you need to completely change direction.

But instead of seeing failure that way, we’ve been taught to view it as this evil, disgusting monster standing in the way of our dreams.

"I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work."

— Thomas Edison

“It didn’t work? Cool. Let’s regroup and iterate.” That’s what failure is saying.
“Hey, it didn’t work out…but what parts of it did?”
“It didn’t work out the way we expected…but what did we learn that can move us forward?”

We don’t fear failure, we fear the feeling of failure.

The disappointment. The embarrassment. The “what will people think?”

That’s why emotional regulation is EVERYTHING.

Because so much of what we avoid in life has nothing to do with real consequences and everything to do with how we think we’ll feel if it doesn’t work out.

Over Eid, while getting my henna done, I ran into a subscriber who told me she wanted to go back to school. She felt drawn to it, excited even, but she was afraid. Not of the work, not of the process, but of the idea that what if she gets to the end and it was a waste of time? What if it doesn’t work out the way she hoped?

But here’s what I realized as she was speaking:

She was already feeling the pain of failure.

She hadn’t even taken the first step, but the fear, anxiety, and doubt? It was all already here. She didn’t need to wait for a disappointing outcome, she was already carrying the weight of it.

So really… what’s left to lose? You already know what it feels like to fear failure.
Wouldn’t it be better to feel that while actually trying?

And this might sound silly but, sometimes I literally ask myself:
“Okay, what’s the worst-case scenario? And is it really even that bad?”
Because 90% of the time, it’s not.

What’s actually worse is sitting still, never knowing, and carrying regret that didn’t need to exist.

Sit With It!

Lately, I’ve been in a season where uncomfortable emotions visit me daily. Sometimes it's sadness. Sometimes it's longing. Sometimes it's anxiety that doesn't even come with a clear reason.

And I used to think I had to fix it right away. That I had to get rid of the feeling, figure it out, or do something about it immediately.

But I’ve been learning how to just… sit with it.
Let it live beside me, without letting it run me.
I can miss someone without reaching out.
I can feel anxious and still do what I said I’d do.
I can feel fear and still make a move.

The goal isn’t to be fearless. The goal is to not let fear have the final say.

There are 4 types of fear that hold us back from doing what we truly want to do:

1. Fear of Rejection

The fear of what people will think. The fear of judgment, criticism, or not being accepted. It keeps you performing for approval instead of showing up as your full self.

2. Fear of Success

This one’s sneaky. It’s the fear of what comes next if it actually works. The pressure. The responsibility. The question, “Can I handle it?”

So you stall. You avoid. You downplay yourself. You make goals that don’t stretch you just so it looks like you’re making progress, when deep down… you know you’re capable of more. You play small because success feels scarier than staying stuck.

3. Fear of Failure

This one’s loud. The fear of letting yourself down. Letting other people down. Wasting time.

It keeps you stuck in your head, overthinking every step. You’re not even failing yet, you’re just feeling the weight of failure in advance. And sometimes, that’s enough to stop you completely.

4. Fear of Being an Impostor

You finally get the opportunity… and suddenly you wonder if you even deserve it.
You think, “Maybe I got lucky,” or “There’s someone more qualified.” You wait for someone to call you out.

You question yourself more than anyone else ever could.

How Can We Override Fear?

The Two Mental Models:

The reason we fear failure is because of the mental model we’ve been conditioned to believe:

You either succeed or you fail. There’s no in-between.

This binary way of thinking is something we pick up from society early on. We’re taught that if there’s no obvious result, then there’s no outcome and therefore, no point in even trying.

But that’s not the model that successful people use.

Successful people don’t think in terms of “success or failure”, they think in terms of growth. It’s not about being good or bad at something, and it’s not even about whether something “worked.”

Because even if the outcome wasn’t what they hoped for, they still gained something. A lesson, a skill, a connection, a new direction.

If you’re too busy looking for that one perfect “result,” you’ll miss the real opportunity: the growth that came from showing up at all.

The Second Model: Growth Over Fear

This is the mindset we want to adopt!!!

The problem is, that first model (the fear-based on),is embedded in our paradigm, which is just the mental framework we operate from. It’s the lens through which we view the world, shaped by our past experiences, beliefs, and conditioning. So every time we try to step into something new, our mind pulls us back to “safety”. Back to what feels familiar, even if it’s holding us back.

You don’t apply for the job.
You don’t post the video.
You don’t send the email.

Why? Because your subconscious thinks it’s protecting you from failure.

You don’t take opportunities that don’t pay immediately, because there’s no instant reward. But the truth is, the real reward is the knowledge and growth within it and that’s the mindset of someone who wins.

This second model (the growth mindset), tells you to take the risk. Even if you fail, you learn.

You grow.
You meet new people.
You gain clarity.

Even realizing something is not for you is still a win, because now you’re not wasting years wondering.

The Truth About the Fear of Failure

The fear of failure actually has nothing to do with failure itself.

Because failure? Failure doesn’t even exist.

What we fear is our insecurities being exposed. That uncomfortable emotional moment when we feel embarrassed, rejected, or “not good enough.”

But those feelings aren’t always real. Your brain is just trying to keep you safe. It’s tricking you into believing that taking action = danger, when really, inaction is the danger.

So how do we become the person who takes action anyway?

At the core of almost every fear is one thought:
“I’m not good enough.”

But your brain is built for survival, not greatness.
Its job is to keep you safe, not fulfilled.

So when you imagine failure, your brain triggers all the emotions that come with it before you even try. And that emotional response is often what paralyzes us, not the actual outcome.

A Tool You Can Use Right Now:

Whatever you focus on becomes your reality.

If you focus on failure, you’ll paralyze yourself and never take action.

If you focus on success, or at least growth, you’ll start to move.

Reframe your thoughts so your mind starts working for you.

✨ Every mistake gets you closer to your dream life. Every attempt is progress. ✨

Journal Prompt / Mindset Shift:

Write down your biggest fears.
→ What’s stopping you from taking action?
→ Is it fear of embarrassment? Letting your parents down? Financial instability?

Now, take that fear and reframe it into a question:

• “I’m afraid I won’t make enough money”
  → becomes: “How can I create something that supports me financially?”

• “I’m afraid I’ll get criticized”
  → becomes: “How can I become more confident in my voice and message?”

Now it’s not a dead end. It’s a starting point. A challenge you can grow through.

Why Adopt the Growth Model?

Because what you focus on becomes your experience.

If you focus on fear, you’ll stay stuck in low vibrations: overthinking, self-sabotage, frustration.
But if you focus on what’s possible, your brain opens up to solutions. You start seeing opportunities you were blind to before.

One of the biggest things that keeps people stuck is this exact fear.
It makes you do less than you’re capable of.
It silences your gifts.
It steals your dreams before you even try.

But when you realize this is just your subconscious trying to protect you, girl you gain power!

How to Override Fear:

• Acknowledge the fear: Become aware of the limiting beliefs in your mind.

• Challenge them: Ask yourself if they’re true, and look for evidence that proves otherwise.

• Reframe them: Turn the fear into a question you can work through.

• Take action: Your brain doesn’t change through thoughts alone. You have to move.

✨ Faith is the opposite of fear. And you are guided. ✨

You’re not here by accident. That desire in your heart? That vision that won’t leave you alone?

It was placed there for a reason. And with God’s help, you have everything you need to fulfill it.

The Challenge

This month, I challenge you to welcome fear just as much as you welcome success.
To stop waiting for confidence and start moving through discomfort.

To actively seek opportunities to fail, not because you want to fall short, but because it means you’re trying something new. You’re stretching. You’re growing.

Every single day, do one thing that makes you uncomfortable.
Let your nervous system feel it. Let your thoughts spiral a little,
and then… take action anyway.

Train your mind to understand that even when fear shows up dressed as “safety,”
you are the kind of person who moves anyway.
And eventually, fear will stop being the wall, and start becoming the door.

Let’s rewire the paradigm.
Let’s teach our brains what’s actually safe: growth, movement, risk.

Because your dream life? It’s on the other side of what you’ve been avoiding!

Chasing your dreams is embarrassing.
It really is. You’ll feel exposed. Awkward. Like everyone’s watching you try.
But we’re learning how to own it.
Because the most embarrassing thing? Is not trying at all.

Embrace the cringe, girlies. I’ll be doing the same!

Love you all,
Bahja 🤍